I have been a stay-at-home Mom, Wife or whatever you want to call me.... lucky...."one of them"...."must be nice" or even "wonder what she does during the day?" for almost 7 years. I don't know where the time has gone. As I type this it feels like just yesterday that I was working full-time running an Ambulance Service. My job really hasn't changed all that much since then but my personal life and relationships sure have. The obvious difference is that I am physically home and available for my family. For the most part, my house is picked up, the laundry is done and I am able to attend every school event without question. When I worked full-time I was always behind, especially with laundry. Being away from home the long hours that I was became a challenge when our first child was born. The cost of daycare took a chunk out of our budget but more of a concern was handing our child over to a stranger. After too many times of our daughter getting sick and from having "odd" things happening, the decision was made that I would give up my career and stay home to raise our daughter. Little did I know that I was only trading one career for another. Being an at home Mom was going to be one of the hardest jobs that I would ever do.
Everything changed for me when my new career started. People treated me different and I quickly saw that I had lost my identity. There was no Illana time any more. When the baby slept, I did the housework , laundry, return phone calls and anything else I could fit in. Baby number two came and you can only imagine how life got busier. I did the play date thing, coffee dates and library story times but as an adult it never fulfilled my needs. Baby always comes first so if that meant that you left the house wearing sweats, no make-up and whatever erped up on you, so be it as long as you made it on time.... it would be a miracle. When I stopped working my husband and I stopped laughing. Money became an everyday concern. We took a huge hit without my salary. The cost of two children was more than we anticipated. Relationships with our friends changed. I was too tired to go out and socialize and our budget did not support a babysitter. Friends slowly found new friends and some of the ones that didn't thought that it was pretty great that I was an at home Mom. It was convenient for them when they needed someone to watch their kids. I was ALWAYS HOME and TOO NICE........... not a good combination. Even to this day people will call on the phone and if they get the answering machine, they will keep calling thinking I will pick up..... where else would I be? They must think that I still don't have a life. These days it makes me laugh.
I miss working full-time because I was respected for what I contributed to the whole. It may sound funny to say, but I also miss it because I could use the restroom without being interrupted, I could eat by myself if I chose to and I could excel. Oh, and the best part was..... I got paid and people appreciated what I did. It's amazing how many men make comments directly to me trying to make me feel smug for not working. It's even more amazing how many mothers make comments as well.
Like I said before, I don't know where the time has gone. All those years of staying home for my kids has flown by. Our plan was that I would go back to work when the kids got older but what I didn't plan on, was finding out that the kids need me more now then they did when they were little. So, I continue to stay home. I have a few hours to myself every day and I use it very wisely because it seems so short. Every day I brace myself for the school bell to ring because when the girls get home I don't sit down until 10:00 p.m. I think I work harder now then I did when I worked away from home full-time. I just don't make one red cent.
