It has been a long time since I have sat down and written a blog. The truth is that I have been afraid of what I would have written. Negative thoughts have been spewing out of me for weeks now and finally I have picked myself off of the floor and cleaned myself off. I'm recovering from what has seemed like days of a black cloud following me everywhere I go. It hasn't been just one thing that I can put my finger on, it has been a string of thoughts and events that have taken me down a strange and ugly path of isolation. I have been here before and when It has visited I like to be a lone until it passes. Of course with a family and obligations, complete isolation is impossible but I try not to make extra plans if I can avoid it. In front of others, the mask of ME comes out and the happy face comes on. If I lose it for a minute or two, I quickly put myself in check until I can retreat into another room. Tears are shed and lots of sleep is lost. That uneasy feeling lingers and inside I search for the reason why. My head feels stuffed with a million thoughts and I'm unable to sort through any of it. It is like I have lived a million lives and I can't remember any of it because it is fluid, flowing one life into another and I can't differentiate one from the other. What is my purpose? What am I supposed to learn from this lifetime from the last? I can't remember yesterday.....is it today or is it tomorrow. Sounds kind've psycho doesn't it. Believe me when I say I have questioned my own sanity many times. The good news is that I am thinking clearer these days. I have crawled out of my hole and I am enjoying the sunshine while it lasts. I am using my clarity to try and interpret my days of darkness in hopes to prevent a recurrence. I know that most of us have our good and bad days just due to the daily stresses but I personally find the human mind fascinating. My bad or what I like to call my dark, days, weeks and sometimes months take over my life too much. My life is to short for this to be the case so I am committed to lessening the frequency if not eliminating them once and for all. Whether it is diet, meditation, exercise, hypnotherapy, medication, etc. I will let you know what I find out. I will be back in touch. :)