I am part of one of the most dysfunctional families I know and I'm proud to admit to it. Growing up, I did everything possible to keep my friends away from the truth of what my family life really looked like. I wanted everyone to think that I came from a somewhat normal life and could do the same kind of things that my friends could. I wanted to be invited to sleepovers, be liked by the kids at school and join the basketball team. I would have my parents drop me off a block or two away from any where I was to meet friends. I never had friends over and sometimes I would create my own fashion trends by cutting apart clothes to come up with some new idea since I couldn't afford what the other kids were wearing. Every car, when we had one either didn't have a muffler or was the ugliest, most embarrassing car a kid could have ever been seen in. To to top it off my Dad would pull up to someone I knew, rev the engine and skid the tires just to embarrass me. I would be plastered on the floor as he would laugh. Can you imagine a 1960's rusted play-dough blue AMC Gremlin with a door that wouldn't latch?
As I think back as I write this I see a cartoon of me trying to crawl over a wall with all these hands pulling me back down. The hands represent my family and obviously I'm trying to escape. It makes me laugh now but I can guarantee it would not have made me laugh then.
I am the 5th child of 6 separated and later divorced parents on welfare. There were 4 girls and 2 boys. Life was tough or so I thought. My parents could not stand to be in the same room together and there was a lot of fighting most of the time. When I was very young it felt like we had nothing. Most everything we had was used. We shopped the local thrift shop instead of the local mall and groceries were bought with with food stamps. We ate a lot of fried potatoes and catsup which is still one of my favorites today. Chicken gizzards were steak to me. We drank water as a staple and powdered milk was a luxury. My Mom made everything from scratch. You were not allowed to be picky. I remember being the kid at school who always brought the healthy snack that no one ever ate. One birthday mom didn't have any flour to make a birthday cake so she made it out of popcorn and molasses with some type of cocoa frosting. It was the best cake ever even though she had to use a saw blade to cut it.
Unfortunately growing up in my family the main focus was survival, having enough to eat, being clothed, transportation, keeping us from getting sick and getting 6 kids to school. Apparently there was not enough time to teach us how to plan for a future or encourage us to dream of what we might want to do. Instead we grew up with the goal to graduate high school and get out of the house, nothing more and nothing less. Each of us probably had our own individual reasons but I'm sure one of them was to escape the fighting. Even after my parents got divorced there always seemed to be fighting over one thing or another.
As adults it seems as if we have all carried a little of our childhood into our adult life. Looking at all 6 of us today we are all in or have had some type of drama, big or small. None of us have ventured far, none of us have a 4 year college degree and most of us have been in troubled relationships. I am not saying we have failed or that our parents are to blame. I am simply pointing out that I believe the foundation you build for your children may impact your child's future.
My family is dysfunctional for many reasons but I am proud to say that through all these years we have become some amazing people because of what we have gone through.
We had very little back then, but because of that both of my parents can grow a garden and store food like know ones business. My Mom can make anything out of nothing and make it look like a treasure or taste like the best thing you've ever tasted. My parents are survivors. I'm happy to tell you that they are both happily remarried to the loves of their life and can finally get along with each other. My oldest sister learned gardening and food storage from my parents and can survive on practically nothing. She's resourceful, wastes nothing and is extremely artistic. My other sister has a take charge attitude when necessary and has a very warm and caring heart. My oldest brother has been a baker for at least 20 years, has a strong work ethic, is also artistic and is a great father. My other sister is a hardworking professional that has worked her way up promotion after promotion. She is the bread winner of her household and is very nurturing. My younger brother travels the world by the seat of his pants with no fear and yet successfully works in a hair salon as one of the top designers. He has a very loving heart. Me..... I know that at the core I have the ability to love unconditionally and I know that it came from the foundation that my parents provided me. None of us live like the Rockefeller's but we do know how to make our paychecks stretch. That gift was given to us by our Mother. You should see what she can do with ten dollars.
The other thing that I would like to mention about my dysfunctional family is that through it all I know that we love each other very much. At times we may not like each other over sometimes silly things but we move on and get over it. We love unconditionally and I'm confident that if any one of us needed help we would all be there.
Yes Mom and Dad some of our upbringing was a drag to put in mildy but looking back I wouldn't change it. ah.... maybe I'd go back to high school and pay attention a little more but other than that, I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through what I did. To my dysfunctional family, I love you all.
As I think back as I write this I see a cartoon of me trying to crawl over a wall with all these hands pulling me back down. The hands represent my family and obviously I'm trying to escape. It makes me laugh now but I can guarantee it would not have made me laugh then.
I am the 5th child of 6 separated and later divorced parents on welfare. There were 4 girls and 2 boys. Life was tough or so I thought. My parents could not stand to be in the same room together and there was a lot of fighting most of the time. When I was very young it felt like we had nothing. Most everything we had was used. We shopped the local thrift shop instead of the local mall and groceries were bought with with food stamps. We ate a lot of fried potatoes and catsup which is still one of my favorites today. Chicken gizzards were steak to me. We drank water as a staple and powdered milk was a luxury. My Mom made everything from scratch. You were not allowed to be picky. I remember being the kid at school who always brought the healthy snack that no one ever ate. One birthday mom didn't have any flour to make a birthday cake so she made it out of popcorn and molasses with some type of cocoa frosting. It was the best cake ever even though she had to use a saw blade to cut it.
Unfortunately growing up in my family the main focus was survival, having enough to eat, being clothed, transportation, keeping us from getting sick and getting 6 kids to school. Apparently there was not enough time to teach us how to plan for a future or encourage us to dream of what we might want to do. Instead we grew up with the goal to graduate high school and get out of the house, nothing more and nothing less. Each of us probably had our own individual reasons but I'm sure one of them was to escape the fighting. Even after my parents got divorced there always seemed to be fighting over one thing or another.
As adults it seems as if we have all carried a little of our childhood into our adult life. Looking at all 6 of us today we are all in or have had some type of drama, big or small. None of us have ventured far, none of us have a 4 year college degree and most of us have been in troubled relationships. I am not saying we have failed or that our parents are to blame. I am simply pointing out that I believe the foundation you build for your children may impact your child's future.
My family is dysfunctional for many reasons but I am proud to say that through all these years we have become some amazing people because of what we have gone through.
We had very little back then, but because of that both of my parents can grow a garden and store food like know ones business. My Mom can make anything out of nothing and make it look like a treasure or taste like the best thing you've ever tasted. My parents are survivors. I'm happy to tell you that they are both happily remarried to the loves of their life and can finally get along with each other. My oldest sister learned gardening and food storage from my parents and can survive on practically nothing. She's resourceful, wastes nothing and is extremely artistic. My other sister has a take charge attitude when necessary and has a very warm and caring heart. My oldest brother has been a baker for at least 20 years, has a strong work ethic, is also artistic and is a great father. My other sister is a hardworking professional that has worked her way up promotion after promotion. She is the bread winner of her household and is very nurturing. My younger brother travels the world by the seat of his pants with no fear and yet successfully works in a hair salon as one of the top designers. He has a very loving heart. Me..... I know that at the core I have the ability to love unconditionally and I know that it came from the foundation that my parents provided me. None of us live like the Rockefeller's but we do know how to make our paychecks stretch. That gift was given to us by our Mother. You should see what she can do with ten dollars.
The other thing that I would like to mention about my dysfunctional family is that through it all I know that we love each other very much. At times we may not like each other over sometimes silly things but we move on and get over it. We love unconditionally and I'm confident that if any one of us needed help we would all be there.
Yes Mom and Dad some of our upbringing was a drag to put in mildy but looking back I wouldn't change it. ah.... maybe I'd go back to high school and pay attention a little more but other than that, I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through what I did. To my dysfunctional family, I love you all.
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